Why Hello Lovelies,
Do you remember the movie Bride Wars? It's been ten years since it opened in theaters and audiences watched, with bated breath, as BFF’s Liv and Emma (Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway) descended into madness as they battled each other for their “dream wedding”. Liv and Emma's experience of their friendship being nearly destroyed by wedding planning happens more often than people like to chat about. So what is the best way to keep a friendship healthy, in such a dysfunctional situation as sharing the same wedding date? Glad you asked…
Time Out: This is probably a great time to take a break from social media and other occasions where the “double wedding date” discussion can pop up. I won’t advocate for self imposed hibernation, but just a time out so that you can reflect on the issue at hand without outside influence. This is also a great opportunity to lean on your fiance and learn more about how the two of you will handle future social conflicts. If you have hired a wedding planner, this is exactly the type of situation they are equipped to help you work through as they can be an objective sounding board.
Switch Shoes: No, not literally. Rather, role play and see the situation from the other vantage point. It’s not simple, as it requires a clear mind, self control, and honest reflection.
Be Honest: Do some honest reflecting and ask yourself what you would consider a win in this scenario? Do you really want your BFF to call off their wedding? Do you really want to call off yours? How important is their friendship? How important is your wedding date?
Talk It Out: Move whatever obstacles standing in your way, sit down, and talk! No text, no phone call. Face to face is ideal but, Facetime or Skype will do. You must see AND hear each other. You don’t have to have an answer after meeting, but you do have to feel that you both had the chance to say your piece.
Think Ahead: It’s 2029, the dust has settled and you’re happily celebrating your aluminum anniversary. Were you happy with the decision you made? What would you change? Does the friendship survive? Bride Wars aside, have you ever heard of the '5 by 5' rule? The saying goes, "If it’s not gonna matter in 5 years, don’t spend more than 5 minutes being upset about it.” Trust me, it holds up.
So what happens next? Maybe you get input from everyone. Maybe you and your fiance make a unilateral decision. Or maybe the stars align and a magical solution that resolves the matter without trauma gets FedExed to your door. Regardless, a choice gets made and vows are exchanged. And much like the ending for Bride Wars, I hope the friendship that was with you at the start of your engagement is also there for your processional.
Anika Fullum is a Jill of all trades and master of some. She enjoys solving problems, riding horses, and anything BBC.